whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We need to get me chipped asap
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
