Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
