We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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