Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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