I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
