Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
