I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
