So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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