Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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