god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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