last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
