i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
