I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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