Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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