I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
