Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
