New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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