Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
