apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You smell like stripper and shame
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
