I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
