I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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