you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
