you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
