she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
