We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
