and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
