I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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