If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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