Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
