so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
