my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
