im about as happy as oj after his trial
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
