i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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