Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
