Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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