I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
