I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
