I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
