did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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