I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
