He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
