$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
