If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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