Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
