His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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