How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
