I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
