maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
