'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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