Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
