Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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