i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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